On arrival, you will be allocated to a small group of about six men with whom you will share a cabin and meet daily as a Tribal Group. Each Tribal Group is facilitated by an experienced man from our community. Tribal Groups create a safe and supportive space where each man can speak and be heard without interruption or judgment. We ask that you attend all Tribal Group meetings and that you be punctual. You will find Tribal Group information and guidelines later in this Manual.
A Tribal Group is a place where you can ‘check-in’ and talk about your experiences, progress, challenges or realisations that have come up through Menergy. It provides a great opportunity to deeply connect with a group of men. There are guidelines and traditions that ensure a Tribal Group is a safe and respectful place to share. Your Tribal Group Facilitator is a skilled member of our community and will explain how the group will work.
Confidentiality and integrity are critical elements in the Tribal Group. What you see and hear is not yours to own or share. No other man’s name and story is to be repeated outside the Tribal Group or outside Menergy. You can share your own experience, how you felt, what came up for you. This is ultimately all your loved ones may want to hear anyway.
We encourage you to use ‘I’ instead of ‘you’. For example, saying; “You know when your partner is angry and you get triggered / annoyed’ is much better stated ‘when my partner gets angry, I get triggered and feel annoyed’. This means we each own our experience, feelings and any associated shame. “I feel”; “I think”; “I want”; “I will” are phrases of true ownership and vulnerability.
You may feel you need to give everyone your life story and a lot of background, but you really don’t. Instead focus on sharing what’s happening for you right now at Menergy, how you feel, what you want. This will take you away from reciting old stories you’ve told before, and toward fresh expression and insight.
Create a space of respect for yourself, others and the environment. This includes arriving on time and listen fully when each man is speaking.
The man holding the talking stick is the only man that speaks, and he does so without interruption. Trust the words will come to you when it’s your turn, rather than mentally rehearsing a ‘speech’. Your unrehearsed words are often more honest, vulnerable and authentic. Do not cross-talk. Give everyone the opportunity to speak uninterrupted. Watch your own inner feelings and reactions when another man speaks. They are gold and yours to feel, sit with, explore and then share!
Giving advice is not encouraged and is rarely appropriate. Feedback is only offered by seeking permission first, and then speaking from your own experience. Please avoid “you should” or “If I were you I would”.
Discussing philosophies or moralising often keeps groups from being grounded and real. Please consider if there is a way to discuss your interests in a more personal way, or at least save these discussions for time outside the group.
We are not here to rescue, fix or solve problems for other men in the group. If you are feeling the urge to ‘rescue’ another man from something, check in with yourself and see what it is about the issue that makes you feel uncomfortable and want to act.
Do not touch another man without first obtaining his consent. If a man is in a deep process, he is not to be touched, as it may cut his process short. Consider why you need to touch/console this man and the feelings that are being triggered in you.
Sadness, Fear, Anger and Joy are all normal emotions. You have a right to them. Try to identify and acknowledge them, and sit with them and better understand them. If you are not feeling OK, then say so.
Unless it is unavoidable, please don’t leave the circle once it is formed. If you need to leave, please speak before doing so, go in silence and remember to walk around the circle rather than across it. If you need a pee break just ask and the group will hold the circle in silence until you return.
You have the right to share and speak or not. There may be a time when you wish to pass, this will always be respected.